A Diamond Is For What?
Romantic is candlelight and flowers and a 'I can't imagine the rest of
my life without you in it so would you do me the honour of being my
wife'... what does a hunk of overpriced glittery carbon have to do
with it?
That said, there's a little part of me that's disappointed that my
fiance has not got me an engagement ring in two years... but there are
really much more important things in life! And I don't think I'd trust
a man's taste in rings for me anyway... :)
This thread actually prompted... ...hrm. ...about two days worth of
arguement, and one day of shopping. Here's the deal- Ava and I got married
about 18 months ago. She found two very pretty sterling silver celtic
knotwork rings somewhere in DuPont, and they were like $20 each or
something. I've been wearing it since she gave it to me, and the only time
I can remember taking it off since was to hand it to the maid of honor
during the service, so she could hand it to Ava ~during~ the service, who
could then put it back on my hand.
Her ring, OTOH, died an ignoble death shortly thereafter. You'd think that
my wife was a pipefitter or a stevedore from the way she destroys jewelry.
Sterling is a non-starter, because it gets beat on so much. No, she really
needs white gold or platinum or titanium or something else a little less
crunchable. And so she says "you should get me a replacement wedding
ring", and I file this under "she'll tell me when she wants to go jewelry
shopping, and then we'll get something".
No, what she meant was "YOU SHOULD GET ME A REPLACEMENT WEDDING RING". She
reads this thread and says "I've been telling you this for MONTHS. How
come you haven't gotten me something?"
Why? Because, like all sensible men, I have Jewelry Fear. And for
something that is going to be worn every day, like a wedding ring? Sheesh,
I wants no part of that.
So we eventually clarify each others' points of view, and go jewelry
shopping. Tyson's Corner Center has about twenty jewelry stores in it,
including the Na Hoku hawaiian jewelry store, so we start there.
I think this is how men get sucked into the whole "2 months salary, diamond,
etc." thing in the first place. They don't know squat about jewelry,
they're afraid to ask because they don't want to spoil the surprise, and the
fine folks at DeBeers, recognizing this, have filled in the gap with a
"default" - buy her a diamond as big as you can afford, at least 2 months
salary. Men wanting to do the right and romantic thing will buy the rock,
go into debt, etc. while some women (at least, women like me) end up feeling
guilty that he spent more than he could afford on a ring. We paid mine off
with part of my scholarship the following year.
What's funny is that most women can't tell the difference between real and
fake, and many women actually prefer fake (it took a lot of getting used to
the liability of wearing this around every day, doing dishes and laundry,
scrubbing floors, all with "more than we really can afford" on my finger),
and many more women prefer colored (often less expensive) stones.
I really wish I had been more firm when I told him that I didn't care if it
was a synthetic stone. I wish I had been creative enough to look at the
colored stones, but you get caught up in this idea (that diamonds are
forever, etc.) and you get caught up in this moment, and you sometimes
default, even if you're a girl.
I'm glad BJ proposed with a "practice (fake) ring" so that we could pick out
the real one together. That was cool. There was a ring, and it was
sparkly, but it wasn't my style, and I'm glad I don't have to wear it for
the rest of my life.
By the time it was time to buy the wedding band, I was sick with guilt over
the amount we had spent, so I bought my wedding band myself - it was less
than $50. The stones are real, they're just very, very small.
Anyway, someone who is getting engaged ought to consider that the "default"
(2 months salary, diamond, round, princess setting) is just clever
marketing, and it really has nothing to do with the quality of your
relationship or the quantity of your love.