engagement rings and wedding bands?
it seems that the traditional custom is
giving one's fiance an engagement ring and a wedding band. Is this correct?
Some of my friends skipped the engagement saying that it is an old-fashioned
outmoded custom, especially if you are older or were married before. So
they actually got off rather cheap by just going for the wedding band. My
girlfriend and I were both married once before. What are your thoughts on
this?
An engagement ring is every bit as proper with a second marriage
as it was with a first. An engagement ring is a symbol of your
promised intentions, a token of a social contract between the
two of you. With a second marriage, your commitment is just as
strong (one might say even stronger ;-) than it was the first
time around--and many, though not all, women expect to see that ring.
That being said, there's certainly no rule that you have
to have an engagement ring to get married. People do it all
the time. If your fiance has made it clear that she doesn't
want one, that she doesn't like rings, or whatever, you don't
have to ignore her and force one on her anyway.
Think carefully about this, however. It's not a great
way to start a marriage if your fiance really *is* dreaming
of an engagement ring, even if she's too modest to come right
out and tell you she wants one. Few women are so romantically
insensible that they really don't want *some* token of your
love to seal the engagement, whether it's a ring or something
else. Whatever it is need not be hideously expensive, if
that's an issue. I really wouldn't take anyone else's
contention that engagement rings are old-fashioned (they
aren't) or that they're inappropriate for second marriages
(they aren't). Listen to your girlfriend on this issue--and
read between the lines! You may find that she really has
no attachment to the idea of an engagement ring at all, or
you might find that what she'd really like is a single smashing
ring for a wedding ring, rather than a double ring set. We
have Claddagh rings that were used for both engagement *and*
wedding rings (just turn them around). There are lots of
options out there. Find one that really suits the two of you.
This being my second wedding, I didn't want the traditional "engagement
ring" per say, so my fiance and I settled on something a little different.
Since sapphires are one of my favorite stones, he bought me a sapphire
surrounded by diamonds to wear as my engagement ring. Still beautiful, but
not something that everyone sees as an old-fashioned engagement ring. When
we marry this July, I'll be moving the ring to my right hand and wearing a
very simple white and yellow gold band to match his.