problems with getting grant help
I have a problem with how much of my assets to leave to my future wife
when I die.
I live in Ohio. This will be my second, and her second, marriage. I
told my future wife I wanted her to quit her house cleaning business -
she works alone and the work is hard and she’s exhausted at the end of
the day. She will not be able to do that work as she gets older She
makes about $30,000 a year and has no assets - she is about $10,000
debt. She wants to go back to college and study to become a
psychologist - I said fine - I have no problem paying for this - it will
take about 8 years then she’ll be able to get a job in that field at
that time. I have $600,000 in assets and I have cancer. My doctor says
I have 5 to 10 years to live. I am 54, and she is 44. I have no
retirement plan and I will have to work to the day I die to support my
wife without eroding my assets. I do have some long term nursing home
insurance to cover some of that expense should it be needed. I have no
life insurance. I would like to have my assets left to my two children
and my wife. The two children would receive at least 50% of the assets
and I told my future wife that I would leave her 5% ($30,000 tax free)
of my assets for each year we were married, up to 50% total. So in 10
years she would get a the full 50% of the assets I have at my death. I
wanted to do this progressive increase because I thought it was fair to
my children and my future wife. I didn’t think my spouse should marry
me knowing that in a few years inherit $300,000. Well she was
infuriated. She feels that my proposal is unacceptable. She expects to
have enough money to live on and pay for her schooling until she
graduates. She also wants to have a nice house to live in that is paid
for. She claims she would be better off if she stays unmarried and
continues to do her cleaning business. Do you think I am being fair
with my inheritance? If not, how would you recommend I divide up the
assets? Anyone’s opinion on this would be appreciated - I need to
resolve this before it ruins our relationship
_I'm sorry that illness has struck your life, that's an issue by itself never
mind the financial issue.
It sounds to me as if you are treating your to-be wife as a business partner
instead of a love partner. As I see it, if your wife is 44 and it takes 8
years for graduate school (which is weird to me unless she has no college under
her belt yet). If she stays in school for 8 years without stopping any
semesters, she will be 52 years old. When you begin in the field, it is hard
to get hired without experience and it will probably take her a few years to
get established somewhere. No doubt, age will be a factor for her. That's one
issue.
As far as your marriage...if you guys are fighting about money now...well,
perhaps this just isn't the woman for you and you're not the man for her. It
doesn't sound like you guys are having a great start. Things don't usually
improve once the ceremony is over.
_Sad story, but one thing I get out of it is you *want* her to quit her
business. Well, if that is your wish, she's not unreasonable to expect you
to pick up that financial loss, for now and for later (as you *do* have the
means to do so).
One other thing - you say you have to work until you die so you don't have
to touch your assets. May I ask why you feel this way. If I had 10 years to
live and 600k, I'd make sure I *lived*, instead of worked. Why not give your
kids a little money now (say 20k each), maybe invest 100k for your wife for
later, and use the rest of the $ and take your wife on a slow boat around
the world.
_8 years of college? damn, that's a long time. maybe she can
keep running her business, maybe she can't. don't assume she
is too tired however. that's a lil patronising.
keeping in mind hat i am not a licensed financial planner,
here goes my advice.
with $200,000:
see if you can set up a trust fund for your kids. don't
let your second wife get everything, this will build a LOT
of resentment on the part of your children. keep an eagle eye
out for anything that suggests she is trying to shoehorn your
kids out of your life.
with the second $200,000:
buy a decent house. i don't know what housing prices are in
your area. but $200,000 can buy even in the dc area a 1500-sq.ft.
townhouse. set into the sales contract or whatever that
the proceeds from any future sale of the house will be split
between your kids (50% for them) and your second wife (50% for
her.) buy the house outright. don't take on a mortage, you
need to save the $$$ from your work for the day when you
might need to go into a nursing home.
with the last $200,000:
put that in a money market fund for your wife. after 5 years
you will have $255,000, and that will be $13,000 per year
for your wife. unfortunately she may have to take on a part-time
job to help make ends meet. however it will not be as demanding
as her housecleaning business, and depending on where you live,
it may even be enough. also social security may kick in as
well.
if the house is less than $200,000:
go on that slow boat.
save up a lot of money from work to help pay for nursing
home rates and to put in the money market fund for your wife.
when you pass on, i hope that you have made your peace with whatever
you hold dear. that is the most important thing.
_What you've written above here seems pragmatic, reasonable, fair and equitable.
At least, it seems that way to me.
Consequently, if I myself were given to be in your shoes, I would tell my
future wife that that's the deal I'm offering, and if she's not acceptable to
it, then that's going to be the marriage deal breaker. After all, these are my
assets which I have earned, and it's me -- not anybody else -- who decides how
they will be distributed after my passing. And so long as I come up with a
formula which I perceive as being fair and equitable (so as to appease my own
conscience and sense of fair play) and likewise state my intention right from
the outset (so my decisions are not a surprise to either my future wife or
anyone else in the future) then that to me is all that matter. But others do
not decide how my assets will be disposed of after my passing. These are my
assets as I'm coming into this marriage, and consequently I alone am the one
who sets the terms for how they will be distributed after my passing. And if my
future bride is not keen about that, then perhaps that's the deal breaker for
our relationship.
That said, I would probably modify the offer in three respects:
(1) I would offer my future wife 5% of my assets per year for the total
duration of our marriage. Which is to say, that if we should live for a total
of 20 years together, I would grant her 100% of my assets (the kids should be
able to fend for themselves by then, and should be long past the age of
expecting much of anything from the old man (me)).
(2) I would also prepare a "do not recessitate" order (I'm not exactly sure
about the specifics of how one does this) so that if, for whatever reason, I
should go in to a coma in future years, my dear wife will not tempted just to
keep my on life support indefinately soley for the purpose of just having a
vegetable for years just to keep getting more of the assets.
(3) Finally, I would afford my wife the use of our marital home for the
duration of her life should she out live me. But in the event that of her death
or her decision for whatever reason to leave or sell our home -- that the
proceeds from the sale of this home be given to my children. In this way, my
future wife is granted the security of still having a home after my passing,
and yet, my children will eventually still be afforded the benefit of my
assets.
And that is about the best I can say about all of that.
_Speaking now as a son, I know that if my step-mother had inherited a good of my
father's estate after the two of them had only been married for a few years, I
would have been royally pissed off.
As it turns out, however, they were married for more than 20 years before his
passing, and consequently I don't at all begrudge her 100% of my father's
assets.
And in a sense of fair play, it has been stipulated in her will that while she
will be giving some of her assets to others upon her passing, the sale their
marital home (which she still lives in) will be directed toward her late
husband's children.
So she has the security of a home. And we children will still eventually get
the inheritence of our father. And all of us are quite happy with that. But
equally important, dad was able to find a middle ground which left him with a
sense that he was being fair and just to both his wife and to his children -- a
will which, after his passing, would not just leave chaos and greedy fighting
amongst family members in his wake.